The Blinds

This morning was a little more challenging. I didn’t sleep well, and my back was aching. Even though I felt like crap, I wanted to get out of bed and spend a little time with Viviana before she left for daycare.

Now having the walker makes things somewhat more manageable, so once I heard Viviana headed down the hall, I pushed myself to get up. It was hard. REALLY hard. But I asked my mom to put the walker at the foot of the bed so I could make my way out to the living room and join her for breakfast.

As always, Viviana was being her usual silly self, putting her pancakes in her hair, and waiting for me to say, “Oh, how pretty!”

Following breakfast, Viviana gave my walker a full inspection, testing it and making sure it worked properly. How she makes me laugh.

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It feels so good to laugh.

The trek from bedroom to living room was a little easier than yesterday, and in this small way I feel success. My legs are still heavy and numb, but I am noticing less numbness in the waist area, and throughout my feet.

But it is the simplest of tasks that can get me frustrated. For instance, I wanted to open the blinds in my bedroom but the current layout of our room halted my attempt. I made it halfway and thought, “Damn, this is not a good idea,” turned, and laid back in bed. I will need to wait until someone comes in to open the blinds.

These small things that we do in our everyday and seem so routine, unimportant and overlooked, I am ever so aware of them now. Everything is a struggle and effort for me, and as much as I am trying to gain back some independence, I have to wholly accept I am in a currently dependent state. It really sucks.

I know people say do not take anything for granted in this life. Ain’t that the truth. But there is laughter, smiles and sunshine throughout the day, it just takes some patience to open the blinds and find it.

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