This weekend I took a few steps completely unassisted, and also walked around the house holding on to the walls or furniture. I’m not near being fully recovered and still need the walker, but it is amazing what the body can do to heal. As the doctors and therapist say, I have youth on my side, and because I’m young, I will recover faster.
When people hear of the Cauda Equina and learn that it wasn’t just a herniated disc, they feel so bad for me. I admit: when I am feeling the lowest and shittiest, I feel bad for myself. But then something happens; something clicks within me — for example, taking the small steps by myself — and I no longer feel bad and certainly do not want others feeling bad for me. I am a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, and although I do not know the “why” of this, it happened to me for a reason.
This entire situation has been a true test of strength and patience. It’s forced me to view myself differently, and others as well. There have been so many people that came to my aid, and I am very grateful for that. And there are other people that won’t bat an eye when they see a woman with a walker looking for an empty seat to sit down in a public place. I can’t change the world, or those kind of people, but I can change myself and make the strides toward becoming a better and stronger person.
Maybe these small steps I am taking will rub off on other people, or maybe they won’t. All I know is each step I take I become a little stronger and I can bear all of this a little bit more. And in light of the holiday season, I can keep my spirits up.
There is so much good in the world, we just have to take small steps in the right direction to see it.