I try my best to be positive and optimistic, but today has been rough.
I’ve been up since 3 a.m. with heavy legs and numbness from the waist down. On top of the physical, today I am emotionally bummed out. I don’t know any better way to put it. I am making progress, but I feel like I cannot fulfill my role and duties as wife and mother.
Honestly, it sucks. The everyday tasks I would do — laundry, cleaning, etc. — that I would sometimes dread, I can’t do right now and it may sound strange, but I really, really wish I could. I want to be able to take care of my husband and daughter the way I used to, and though I try my best, I am in this limited state so I feel like I am doing nothing at all.
I would give anything to be “normal” again. And although in time I will be, it is so difficult right now. I try to be in the now as best I can. Getting out and enjoying time with family and friends does help, but it’s rough when my body does not always respond well on a particular day.
There will be good days, and there will be rough days. I need to accept that. On the rough days, I need to be stronger than I generally am; to get through it and remind myself there is no other way to be. I can’t give up — that is not an option.
There is light at the end of this tunnel. Sometimes it’s hard to see it, but it’s there, and I will get to it, powering through the good, bad and the in-between.