Things are progressing pretty well. Since Christmas, the majority of my walking has been assisted by use of a cane, only needing the walker here and there. I hit a few road bumps, and had a couple of bad days, but I am doing my best to listen to my body and not push myself.
Today I spent the majority of the day outside with Jim and Viviana. The weather is absolutely beautiful right now, and I can’t help but breathe in the fresh air and soak up the sun. It is these little things of life that I overlooked before but take in so much now.
On the flip side, though, my heart yearns to chase after my daughter, and to walk with her hand in mine — be it down the road, at the park or simply around the backyard.
When I see my sweet husband chase after her or pick her up, even in her fussiest of moments, pain and guilt fills my heart even more. I cannot pick her up, cuddle her on my chest, and walk her around to shush her like I did before. I cannot take a little bit of the burden off my husband. It is probably the most difficult part of all of this, and my anxiously wanting to be fully recovered now.
Yet even though I cannot do certain things at present, it does not mean I cannot be present. Watching Viviana explore the grass and leaves, and seeing Jim’s face light up, helps push the pain and guilt away. My heart then fills with love, gratitude and patience.
And that is all I need.